Thursday, August 12, 2010

Who I am ......I am

I can Officially say that I am NOT Kick ass, but what I am right now at this moment is shocked, hurt and a little upset with what has been going on. Email garbage and all that jazz. I am lucky to have true friends and I don't have many of those. I was told something today that literally blew me up. There are certain people or a certain someone I should say that think they know me and pretty much believe everything that other people tell them, especially about me. I admit we are all not perfect, I learned form my mistakes. I am MORE hurt about this than they are seriously, and I always will be. No one can ever fill in those shoes ...NO ONE. I can't even describe the true feelings I have and always will forever have. When I am around those things I admire, love and cherish, it literally sucks the life out of me, my heart feels like its going to burst out of my chest pounding so heavy, and I feel like I am going to swallow my tongue. LOL. That's a deep feeling. Love is a powerful thing and it has struck me hard my friends. It hurts hearing these painful things from close friends.

Recently I have been getting a lot of feedback about my blog. That makes me feel good as I enjoy writing and expressing myself with some of my stories and adventures. I recently have been very blessed and I am very thankful. I have done so much in the last two months that I look back and say “wow” did I really do that lol. Oh I have been addicted to movies as well. I recently say Kick Ass, The Bounty Hunter, Wolfman, Up in the Air, Invitcus, Date Night, Shutter Island, Cop out, The tub time machine(or something like that) Alice in wonderland, When in Rome, Dinner for Schmucks, and Will Ferrells new movie. Can you tell I like movies I know I can. I start school the 23rd …..Hip Hip hooray. Its more like boo hiss hiss lol

I was blogging while I was on my flight this morning on Jet Blue as I never flown with them before and they had the cheapest flight from NY’s JFK, which the airport blew my mind. I usually fly out of LGA or Newark. Holy smokes! I arrive and JFK is just packed and I mean packed with people. It was insane. This has got to be one of the busiest airports in the United States. It is an amazing airport. It has loads and loads of shops and it is very clean and very high end. I will say the security check point was a piece of cake and went smooth. I always love carrying a conversation with the TSA agents. They know my name back home in Indianapolis lol. Or at least they remember me as the bodybuilder chick. I had a few people ask me to write them a diet and workout plan. LOL.

So I am at JFK I am starving. My Great Aunt (my g-ma’s sister) got up this morning and packed me breakfast in a paper sack. She is so sweet. Let’s see she put a zip lock bag of cheerios, sliced mangos, banana, and melon. Then she was trying to throw some papaya on me. LOL. It’s been a long time since I had a packed lunch. LOL It felt great. I have a HUGE family in Brooklyn, NY. They are very cool and very established. I love them all very much. I tend to go off the subject a lot, so to go on with my JFK. I was a little hungry and went to their food court. WOW! They had everything you can imagine.

Okay so I’m sitting there like a kid in a candy store and I’m jamming with my Ipod and all of this sudden this U.S. Customs agent comes up to me. I immediately thought what the heck did I do wrong. DO I have toilet paper hanging from my foot lol. I did that once actually. I went out for a bite to eat and I think it was outback or some steakhouse. SO I looked really nice and I had to use the powder room, well here I come walking out strutting my stuff and then I noticed I had this long strip of toilet paper sticking to the bottom of my shoe. I was like NOOOOOOO .. lol. My friend made fun of me and acted like he didn’t know me lol. Okay enough stories. So the customs agent says that he is a fan of mine. I’m like what. He knew who I was. I was like who am I lol. He’s like Isabelle Turell. Well I thought that was nice, and it brightened my day. Especially with what I am about to tell you all here later in my blog. I told him thank you for being a fan and he went on his way. So I looked around and I really enjoyed the buffet salad bar and breakfast bar. It appealed to me the most I would say. Of course I am dieting right now so I stayed away from the breakfast bar. OMG they had pancakes, huge sausage, eggs, bacon, French toast, etc. But I chose the salad bar and had some bowtie pasta with sun dried tomato and I topped it off with tuna, red and green diced bell pepper and some parsley. I would say the amount of tuna I added was about maybe 2 cans of tuna if not maybe a little more. I topped it with a little EVO (extra virgin olive oil) and balsamic vinegar. Then I had my smart water. I was racing to chow down. I got to my gate which was gate 9 and then as I took a seat then announced that we were now in gate 12. “Well isn’t that special” lol. So I closed the container packed it back up and grabbed my bags and headed over. Finally I got to sit down and enjoy my tuna pasta and it was AWESOME. Two snaps up.

Its just not the same being on this adventure I am on. Its really not. My friend Dessi told everyone on the ship about me lol. She greeted me with a rose and she brought white chocolate starwberries to my room. But now on to the bad news

Here is an update on my aunt. Her condition has gotten worse. To me she seemed like she had made improvements. I am being as positive and optimistic that I can. My grandmother had come up to NY as she is going to have to be admitted in NY for special treatment. My aunts complexion has gotten paler and she now is shaking especially in the hands. It also appears that her balance issues have gotten worse. She now will have to use a wheelchair to get around.

My grandmother has been an absolute wreck. I completely understand why. She is a big worrier and my aunt is her first born and she is very close to her. My aunt ‘s the “favorite” out of my grandmothers children. I was watching her last night, and you can see how stressed she is. She seem like she is there but really her heart and soul are with my aunt. You know my grandmother is not as young as she used to be and she as well can’t move around. She can’t walk as good as she used too. Her knees are bad and she is constantly going to the doctor for exams and getting shots in her knee. Like now I tried to massage her feet and legs last night and even my gentlest touch was too painful to bear. This morning I had to leave as I am flying down to Jacksonville, Florida and I will be away for 9 days. I am going to keep my phone on no matter who much it cost while roaming as I have a strange feeling I am going to get a call. I don’t have travel insurance and there was a situation that happened last year where I should have learned from that and got it here. I pray to GOD I don’t get that call if you know what I mean. I am already beaten up in the inside but I’m not shedding the tears. As I mentioned earlier I am going to be strong and positive on this. But when my grandmother is as stressful as she is right now and all she said yesterday over and over was I want to go back home, and take my daughter with me. Something’s not right. On top of that usually my G-Ma is the one that’s very defensive and always says that everything is going to be okay. That’s not the case right now and I think you all know what I am talking about.

We all have situations arise with friends, family , or even complete strangers that may set off certain emotions in us. A great example is 911. Another example would be movies like Titanic, The Passion of the Christ, etc. One more example could be a simple commercial that somehow touches us or connects with us in some way. These things sometimes can be difficult to deal with. I may be a IFBB Professional Bodybuilder but this little lady has a big heart that will do anything for anybody. A couple of my friends especially one that I knew would poke fun at me as for even the happiest moments I would tear up. Its me and who I am. In this situation my heart goes out.
I see myself as a healer and teacher. There have been many moments I wished I had the power of John Coffee from the movie the Green Mile. My aunt would be first on the list, then my grandmother, and then everyone else. I would travel around the world healing people and giving them happiness and peace. It gives me the chills talking about it. Two of my biggest admirers is Mother Theresa and the Dali Lama very powerful people who changed the world.
I hate ending this on a sad note as that is what it is. I’m trying to keep my mind off of it as you can sorta tell at the beginning of the blog, but once I start talking about it I can’t stop.